


Side Effects Do Not Include Falling In Love With Your Lab Partner

by decadent_mousse



Series: Side Effects May Include... [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Emotionally Constipated Scientists, Fluff, M/M, Some Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decadent_mousse/pseuds/decadent_mousse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had gotten notice, a little over a month ago, that the PPDC was being dissolved.  Certain divisions of it were going to slowly be assimilated into other programs, but both he and Newton had been politely informed that theirs was not going to be one of them – apparently Kaiju Science was obsolete now that there weren’t any more kaiju.  Neither of them had liked it, and both felt like their talents could be applied to plenty of other areas but the decision had been made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Side Effects Do Not Include Falling In Love With Your Lab Partner

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third and *probably* final installment of this particular series. I say "probably" because originally I didn't even plan on a second or third installment, so who even knows what I'm doing.
> 
> This takes place around two (maybe three) months after Side Effects May Also Include Hypervigilance, Vivid Nightmares, And More Cuddling.

“I got an offer from MIT,” Newton said, one morning.  “They want me back.”

Hermann kept his tone carefully neutral.  “Oh?”

They had gotten notice, a little over a month ago, that the PPDC was being dissolved.  Certain divisions of it were going to slowly be assimilated into other programs, but both he and Newton had been politely informed that theirs was not going to be one of them – apparently Kaiju Science was obsolete now that there weren’t any more kaiju.  Neither of them had liked it, and both felt like their talents could be applied to plenty of other areas but the decision had been made.  Fortunately it hadn’t been long before Hermann was offered a position by a university in England that had wanted him back before he had decided to join the PPDC – apparently, they still wanted him.  Newton hadn’t had any immediate prospects, and so Hermann had accepted the position and they had both agreed that Newton would go with him.

This changed things.  MIT was on an entirely different _continent_.

“Dude, don’t freak out,” Newt laughed.  “I didn’t say I _accepted_ it.”

“You aren’t… interested?”

“Not really.  Well, _yeah_ , sure, but it’s not a big deal.  You’ve got your thing pretty much set in stone, and I’ve already decided to go with you, so I mean, it doesn’t really matter, right?”

Hermann stared at him.  “Newton, it’s your _career_.  Of course it matters.”

“I didn’t mean it doesn’t _matter_ , I just meant, y’know, we already made plans.  So even if I wanted to – which I don’t, not really – it would kind of screw things up.  I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in sticking an ocean between us.”  He smiled brightly and winked at him.  “You’re stuck with me, remember?”

~

Later, while Newton lay snoring softly beside him, Hermann laid there wide awake long into the night. It wasn’t at all like Newton to let anything get in the way of what he wanted, and he could tell that – no matter what he might claim – he _was_ interested in what MIT was offering him.  It bothered him that Newton had been so quick to dismiss his own interests for _him_.  There was no job waiting for Newton in England – hell, with the world still mostly in shambles, it could easily be awhile before anything turned up there for him, rock-star status or no.

They hadn’t really been apart from each other for any length of time since they had drifted.  Some days, especially early on, they had gotten so tangled in each other’s thoughts that it had been hard to tell where Hermann Gottlieb ended and Newton Geiszler began.  Lately, Hermann had begun to wonder if maybe his own feelings had affected Newton’s in ways they hadn’t anticipated. 

What if his own feelings had influenced Newton’s in such a way that it had, perhaps, moved their relationship in a direction it might not otherwise have taken?  What if once their connection faded, Newton’s feelings did as well?  What if their entire romantic relationship thus far had been a result of the drift, and nothing else?  He already didn’t like the idea of Newton casting aside his own career for the sake of furthering Hermann’s, and that thought just made it worse.

He didn’t sleep much that night.

~

“You should go,” Hermann said, the next day.

Newton didn’t look up from whatever he was working on.  “Go where?”

“You should take the job.  You should… You should go.”

He dropped what he was doing and looked up, startled.  “Wait, _what_?”

“It’s an amazing offer, and you should take it.  You can’t put your career – your _life_ – on hold just for me.”

“Dude, I can do whatever I want, and what I _want_ is–“

“I think we should take a break,” Hermann blurted.

Newt looked stricken.  “Are you–  Are you joking?  ‘Cause that is _not_ funny.  At all.”

“Our relationship has progressed rather quickly, and–“

He stood up and came over to Hermann’s desk.  “Where the hell is this even coming from?  I– I thought…  We were doing good, weren’t we?  Now out of nowhere, you’re just _dumping_ me?”

“I’m _not_ –“

Newt was breathing too hard, too fast, and his voice was just this side of hysterical.  “Okay, so, you figured you’d try me out for a few months just for the hell of it and then, what, throw me away when the trial period was up and you decided I wasn’t good boyfriend material?”

“Newton, _no_ –  That’s not–  I’m only trying to do the right thing.”

“The right thing?  The right thing for _who_?”

“For _you_.  I simply think we should take time to– to re-evaluate our relationship.”  He almost immediately regretted saying it.  Or at least, wording it the way he had, but it was too late.

“Re-evaluate our–  Wow.”  His eyes were smoldering, and he was _so_ angry – but even worse, he was hurt.  He was so wounded, Hermann could see it and feel it.

Anger, he could handle, but this…  He didn’t want this.  He didn’t _want_ Newton to go to MIT, he didn’t _want_ to take a break, but this wasn’t about what he wanted.  It was about what was right, and what was wrong – and taking advantage of Newton’s feelings was wrong.

Hermann swallowed past the tightness in his throat, steeled himself, and said, “Newton, you’re behaving like a child.  Just this once, could you at least _attempt_ to be rational?”  In any other circumstance, he would’ve applauded his own ability to sound so calm and level-headed, but he just felt sick.

Newt blinked rapidly, clearly fighting back tears.  “Fine.  You want me gone?  I’m gone.”  He spun around and stormed out of the lab without another word.

Hermann wanted to follow him, tell him he was sorry, wrap his arms around him and never let go.  He didn’t do any of those things, and no matter how many times he told himself he was doing the right thing, he still felt horrible.

~

The next day, Newton was gone without further argument.  He had packed up as much of his things as he could carry on his own, and he had left before dawn – he hadn’t said goodbye to anyone.  It was probably for the best, but somehow it just made Hermann feel worse.

~

Hermann left the Shatterdome on schedule and took the job at the university.  Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and so there Hermann was – three months later – eating lunch on a bench underneath a large, shady tree not too far from where his next lecture was scheduled.  He hadn’t heard from Newton since that day in the lab – not that he had really expected to.

More than once, he had laid awake at night and could have sworn he could feel Newton reaching out to him – even with an ocean between them – and those were the nights he missed him the most.  It almost physically hurt, like something vital had been torn out of him – he could function, he could work, he could distract himself – or try to – but he didn’t feel… whole.

If someone had told him ten years ago that there would ever come a time when he would miss Dr. Newton Geiszler, he would have told that person to have their head examined.  He did, though.  God, he missed him.

He heard the crunch of leaves underfoot somewhere to his right.  “Hey,” a familiar voice said, “could you help me out?  I’m looking for a guy.  Wears terrible sweaters?  Scowls a lot?”

Hermann’s heart nearly leapt into his throat and, very slowly, he looked up. 

Newton smiled at him nervously.  “Uh, hi.”

“What are you doing here?”  Hermann winced the moment the words left his mouth, because that was horrible, _no_ , but he was so flabbergasted, he wasn’t even sure what he should have said instead.

“I maybe should have called first.  I– I _probably_ should have called first, but I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“It is,” Hermann replied.  “It is definitely a surprise.”  Seeing Newton’s smile falter, he quickly added, “A pleasant surprise, but… what _are_ you doing here?”

“Wh– I came for _you_.  Obviously.”  He sat down on the bench beside Hermann.  “I know why you broke up with me.”

Hermann’s brow furrowed, “I did _not_ –“

Newton rolled his eyes and sighed.  “Whatever, I know why you wanted us to ‘take a break,’ okay?  It took me awhile, but I figured it out.  You think I don’t really feel the way I feel.  That it’s just… some weird side effect of us drifting together, but you’re _wrong_.”

“Newton–“

“You _are_ , Hermann.  You’re wrong, and I can prove it.”

The rest of Hermann’s argument died in his throat.  “How?  How could you possibly?”

Newt’s expression turned a little sheepish.  “Well, I was really, _really_ hoping it wouldn’t come to this.  I was hoping I’d get here and you’d have come to your senses already and realized what a terrible mistake you made and I’d just sort of, I don’t know, sweep you off your feet – but I knew it might take some convincing, so…“  He fished around in one of his jacket pockets and produced a CD case.

Hermann raised an eyebrow.  “What is this?”

“Proof,” Newton said, a blush creeping up his neck.  “See, what happened was–  You remember that time Tendo got his hands on that crate full of vodka and threw a party and we all went kind of wild?”

“Vaguely, yes.” 

“Well, I was a little drunk, maybe, and uh–  See, the funny thing is, I was going to tell you _then_ , but when I got back to the lab, you weren’t there, so I made this instead.  It’s a mix.  You know, music?  I made it for you.  Uh, it’s pretty bad.  I mean, it’s really, really terrible, but in my defense I drank a _lot_ of that vodka that night, and–  Honestly, I was pretty wasted at the time, dude, but I poured my heart into that mix.  I meant it.  All of it.  The alcohol just made it… easier, I guess.  Here.  Here, take it.”

Hermann took the CD and turned it over in his hands.  “What sort of music is it?”

The blush had reached the tips of his ears.  “Love songs… mostly.  Really cheesy love songs.”

Hermann remembered that night – he hadn’t done much drinking, so he was probably one of the few people who _did_ remember it with any degree of clarity.  By the time he’d gotten back to the lab, Newton had turned off the lights and passed out on the couch.  Hermann had turned the lights back on and poked him with the end of his cane and he had jerked awake with a yelp and gone rocketing over to his desk and scrambled to clear something off of his computer screen and shove something into one of his desk drawers.  Hermann had just rolled his eyes and gone over to his side of the lab and thought nothing more of it. 

“Newton?”

“Yeah?”

“That was three years ago.”

“Yeah, it was.  That’s what I’m trying to say, dude.  It’s proof.  You can’t blame it on the drift, because I already felt the way I feel.  And the way I feel is that, uh–  I–  I love you.”

For a moment, Hermann forgot how to breathe.  He wanted to say something – he _needed_ to say something.  “I–  You–“ he choked out eloquently.

“Don’t,” Newt said hurriedly.  “Don’t say anything.  Yet, I mean.  Just–  Look, I have some stuff I have to take care of, so how about you just– just listen to it, and think about it, and let me know what you think about it, I guess?  I’ve got a place I’m staying at – I’ll text you the address and if you want you could come see me later?  Or not.  If you don’t– I mean, it’s fine.  I, uh, I really gotta go.”

Before Hermann could say anything, Newt got up and bolted away, and he was left sitting alone on the bench.  About ten minutes later he got a quick, to-the-point text containing Newt’s address, and it was so unlike him not to insert a bunch of texting gibberish and emoticons into his message that Hermann had to double-check it just to make sure it was from him.

~

Hermann placed the CD in his computer’s disc drive and, after a moment’s hesitation, pressed play.  The tracks were about as terrible as Newton had said they were.  Worse, even.  On more than one occasion, the music took an abrupt side-trip from ridiculous love songs into things with lyrics so lewd it made Hermann blush.  It was obvious they had been strung together by someone with a very dubious grasp of what constituted a “love song.”

It had also rather obviously been put together by someone who was very smitten.

Hermann grabbed his car keys.

~

He knocked on the door of what he _hoped_ was Newton’s apartment.  He had triple-checked his phone, just to be sure, but every moment the door remained closed was another moment he spent wondering if he had the right place. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened.

There stood Newton, in a wrinkled t-shirt and a faded pair of jeans.  “Dude, do you know what time it is?  I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna show up.  Did you–“

Hermann strode forward, grabbed Newton by the shoulders, and kissed him. 

He let out a muffled squeak and wrapped his arms around Hermann’s waist, and together they staggered back into the apartment.  Newt kicked the door shut, and Hermann pinned him up against it. 

“Did you listen to it?” Newt gasped when they finally came up for air.

Hermann nodded, “It was awful.”

“It really was.  In my defense, vodka – _so much_ vodka.  I can make you a better one.  It’ll be so–  Mmphrghm!”

Hermann kissed him again.

~

Newton stared up at the bedroom ceiling and sighed, “Man, I’m so jet-lagged.  I think I’m just gonna… sleep for a week.  Or two.”

“I doubt that.”

He snorted, eyes drifting shut, “You doubt everything I say.”

Hermann reached over, lightly rubbing his fingertips across the back of Newton’s hand.  “…Not everything.”

Newt chuckled, “I’m really glad you came to your senses.”

“What would you have done if I _hadn’t_?”

“I don’t know.  I didn’t really consider the possibility that you _wouldn’t_.  I’m pretty irresistible, dude.”

Hermann snorted.

They laid there in comfortable silence for awhile.  Newton was quiet for long enough that Hermann was beginning to think he’d fallen asleep until he finally spoke.  “Are you hungry?  We could order something, if you want.  Or I could cook.”

“Cook?  _You_?”

“I’m a man of many talents,” Newt said in a deeply offended tone.  “I’ll have you know I’m an _amazing_ cook.”

“Really.”

“ _Really_.”

“Hmm,” Hermann sniffed.

“Wow, man, you really don’t believe me, do you?”  He put a hand over his chest and sighed dramatically.  “That hurts.  It really does.”

_…Almost as much as hearing your boyfriend say, “We should take a break.”_

Hermann stiffened.  They hadn’t been able to share _thoughts_ for months.  He wasn’t sure if their connection had a sudden flare-up or if it was his own feelings of guilt playing tricks on him.

“Uh,” Newt said.  “Please tell me you didn’t hear that.”

Well, that answered that question.  “Newton–“

“Come on, that’s not fair.  I didn’t _mean_ for you to hear that.  I wasn’t trying to–“

Hermann rolled over and pressed his face into Newton’s neck.  “I’m… sorry.”

Newt wrapped an arm around him.  “Yeah, I know.  I mean – it _sucked_ , and it was horrible, and I wish you had just _talked to me_ , but I understand why you did it.  And… it’s okay.  Just–  Don’t do it again.  Ever.  Please.”

Hermann lifted his head to look at Newt, who looked right back.  “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Newt said, kissing him softly.  “I know that, too.”

“How can you be sure that my feelings are genuine?” 

_Hermann_ knew, of course.  In retrospect, he could calculate almost down to the second when he had begun to fall in love with Newton – even if at the time he’d been too busy to realize it. 

“Maybe because I don’t think something like that can just be pulled out of thin air.  It comes from somewhere, y’know?  Even if the drift is what gave us the poke we needed, it didn’t _create_ any of it, it just… brought it to the surface, I guess.  Love isn’t something you can just _manufacture_.  I mean, a lot of similar feelings, sure, you can.  I mean I guess you could argue that a lot of people mistake a bunch of chemical reactions in their brain for love when they’re really just horny, and I guess drifting probably screws with those a bit, but it’s still not the same thing.  Not really.  And nothing but _real_ love would have made you act like such an idiot, anyway.  So, that’s how I know that you love-love me and not just sort-of-maybe-love me.  Well, I’m like… ninety-nine percent sure, so I’m _pretty_ sure.”

Hermann stared at him.  “My God, Newton.”

“What?”

“I had no idea you were such a romantic at heart.”

Newt snorted loudly, cheeks turning pink.  “I’m _not_.  I just–  _Fine_ , yes, okay.  Maybe I am.  A little bit.  Oh my God, are you _laughing_?”

“I most certainly am not.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard you snickering, dude.”

Hermann laid his head on his shoulder, smiling.  “Nonsense.  Go to sleep, Newton.”

“Just so you know,” Newt muttered sleepily, “I’m not letting you leave this bed for the next few days.”

Hermann closed his eyes.  “That’s alright.  I cleared my schedule for the week.”


End file.
